Nothingness gripped her. She would have thought that she had her eyes closed in a dark room if it weren’t for that mirror image of herself. Where was she? Somewhere and nowhere at the same time. Unrecognisable yet familiar. She seemed to be floating, or at least, no earthly force affected her. Her movements slowed, each moment stretched out.
“Where am I” she finally asked her double. It wasn’t so much a question as it was a mystified statement. Lifting her hand up to look at it, she saw the double reflect her motion.
“You are right where you need to be.” It returned, like it’s mouth was the only thing not synced up with her. As if her senses returned, she became annoyed, and then frustrated.
“Tell me what the hell is going on!” All she received in response was a wide smile.
“Ahh there’s the fieriness I’ve come to expect.” It chuckled.
“You have come to know the darkness inside yourself.”
“Gah, screw this!” Ro flipped out her pistol and shot at the clone, unsure what exactly it would do but being annoyed enough to lash out regardless. The bullet flew the metres between them and pierced the clone.
“Ahrgh!” Ro let out a yelp of pain as she felt a bullet pierce her chest. Looking down at the red hot stinging, she would find that there was no wound.
“Now why would you shoot yourself? That self destructive behaviour is starting to get worse, isn’t it? Do you really hate yourself that much?” The scientist clutched her chest where the pain slowly ebbed.
“Screw you.” She said under her breath.
“Screw me? But I AM you!” A cackle of laughter was let out from the double’s mouth. Then her form shifted, swirling into a point like water let down a drain. Then all of a sudden, light flashed in every direction, lighting up the darkness so that her environment was completely white.
She heard her voice again. This time not coming from somewhere nearby, but like an echoing call coming from all directions at once.
“But how would you know that? You can’t even recognise who you are anymore. Really, who are you even? You have lived so many different lives under so many different names. Are you Elena or are you Jane or maybe Andrea?”
“My name is Rokuju Vinsmoke!” She shouted it at the top of her lungs, trying to provide a truth that would whitewash the confusing mess. The voice in response, only increased in volume, now it felt like it had penetrated her skull, feeling her own voice echo in her brain.
“Who is that? No one has been Rokuju for years! The Vinsmokes are a strong family, full of brave warriors and important nobles. The woman I see before me scrabbles around in the sand like a rat!” Ro’s breathing was increasing to the point where she was beginning to hyperventilate. She couldn’t refute that. In her eyes and in the eyes of her siblings, their former glory was so far from what they were now. The truth of their peasantry was horrifying.
The voice didn’t seem to stop. No matter how hard she clutched her ears, she could not drive the sound from her head.
“Yes, you are a failure. Your family…” Forms were beginning to appear in front of her. Three blobs stretched out into familiar shapes. They were her three siblings. Except they had their backs to her, staring off into the distance.
“You are so much weaker than them. You have let them all down.” Tears welled up in her eyes and her breath hiccuped. It was true. She couldn’t do anything. Even her younger brother that she had raised for the second half of his childhood had left her, finally fed up with her failings, trying to carve out a future himself.
“They have all left you behind. You are useless. Worthless.” Ro stretched out her arm.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry..” She whispered.
“Goji, Shichiji, Hachiju…”“I’m so so sorry.”
……
Everything went blue.
“Are you ok Rokuju?” blinking, she realised she was looking at the sky. Looking at the huge mass above her, she realised it was her older brother, Shichiji. He was a young man here, younger than she was now. His body coated in dark black haki. The ship underneath her swayed and jolted, the noises of cannonballs exploding and ripping through timber. They were in a firefight, their ship was being surrounded by the marines. But her older brother stood over her, his unwavering blue eyes trained on her. Despite the intense situation, being in his presence made her feel at ease. WIthout looking behind him, his arm whipped around, grabbing the cannonball that was whistling towards them, palming it then crushing it to dust with his massive hand. He smiled.
“Let’s get you out of here.”Everything went brown.
“I get it!” A teenager yelled at her. It was her younger brother Goji, he being several years younger than he currently was. They were in an old cabin, the glow of the candlelight magnified the silence of the night. Ro remembered. This was when they had spent a few months on Karakuri Island and her younger brother had just come back from a night of fooling around with the revolutionaries of the female persuasion. Ro had been standing over him, lecturing him while he wiped the lipstick off the side of his cheek.
“You’re always so goddamn smart and responsible aren’t you! Don’t you think it doesn’t tear me up knowing that I can’t do anything to help us?” He had shouted back at her, tears welling up in his eyes.
Her memories started flowing back. Yes… Her family, they were all trying their hardest. They were all just like her. She couldn’t let them down. The anchors that she clung to as her motivation for moving forward were masking the echoing noise of her mirror self.
“So what? You’re a failure!” She heard the sound of her voice in her head.
“Yes I am a failure.” She agreed, her breath settling and her focus returning to the situation at hand. She was back in the black room, opposite herself.
“And you’ll fail again, and again!” The voice cackled in glee.
“No I will not fail. But if I do, I will keep going and try again.” She tempered her resolve, beating it down into a thick armour that would resist the attack.
“You’ll die in a gutter like the rat you are, your brothers and sister will never want to know what a useless good for nothing their own blood is!” It’s eyes were beginning to bulge and twist.
“No! I cannot die until I restore our family name! I WILL NOT die until I stand side by side with my siblings!” She was finally sure of herself. All shred of doubt gone from her own body, she faced the map’s curse with an unwavering spirit. Her mirrored self screeched as it’s form twisted and and grew into a ghoul shaped humanoid, writhing and slowly fading.
......
A slit of light pierced the darkness. The slit widened, the black nothingness beginning to fade. Blue and white filled her eyes, a seagull cawed, and a cool wind swept over her body, fluttering a young man’s hair as he looked down at her.
It was… Was it just a dream? Who is this? A name came to mind.
“Junbei…” she spoke quietly. Trying to move, she tensed her abdomen and then relaxed in a soft groan. She felt sore and fatigued, her face wet and fringe matted with sweat.
Oh right… The map and the pirates. Focus returned to her eyes and she slowly eased herself up. Rubbing her head, she looked around, seeing that she had been surrounded by the young pirate’s crew.
“That map.” She finally managed to speak.
“It’s really cursed, it’s the real deal.” She looked at Junbei, realising what must have happened while she had been out.
“Thanks for coming back for me.” She grinned, genuinely happy.
That curse had taken her self doubt and made it into a monster, manipulating and attempting to drown her in despair. But she had to be thankful, for she had beaten herself, managing to vanquish the darkness by holding on to what was real.
[1425]